uhm, i'll add something to here soon. i think i'm going to go through my threads on /traps/ and get the info i've provided there. maybe add that stuff to the FAQ. or something like that.
- 1 transition
- 2 sexuality
- 3 plushies and toys
- 4 FAQ
- 5 Contact
- 6 Summary
Here I'll write about all the stuff leading up to the sex change and the sex change itself.
Letter whores! I fucking hate HATE HATE HATE HATE The stupid standards of care and letter whores!!! This will most likely be a rant about that nonsense.... Having been to many therapists now and being a gender oddity, I'm quite used to talking about all of this. So here's a good place to get it all out so I can just point to here when people ask. I'm also not sure if i should include the names of my therapists or not.
first gender specialist
The first gender specialist i talked to was actually pretty good. She was a transsexual herself and just seemed to get it. she diagnosed me with gender identity disorder and major depression recurrent. She was going to give me my letter for getting on hormones the next time i saw her. However, because of financial issues I wasn't able to continue seeing her. Later when i had the finances to start seeing her again she had closed her practice and referred me to someone else.
hormones letter whore aka: gender nazi
We lovingly referred to this lady as the gender nazi. I spent six months of group therapy and was forced onto anti-depressents before she'd even discuss hormones. This might not have been such a big issue for me had i not basically been approved by the first gender specialist. And I was under the impression that all I needed was a quick update to make sure I was still a tranny.
After I got the letter for hormones from her I stopped seeing her. On an odd side note: I met my current roommate during these group therapy sessions. Oh joy of joys.
operation letter whores
I pretty much lied to these people about seeing therapists in the past. I said I never talked to anybody before and was importing my hormones. I'd already scheduled my operation before i started seeing the first psychotherapist lady-person thingy letter whore. And she was nice enough to schedule the appointments for every other month, drawing out this process for a long time. During the first session I explained my gender issues, and all the following sessions were pretty much a waste of time. we talked about total bullshit from my day to day life. The final session when i got the letter was another almost meaningful session and it resaulted in my letter.
I then talked to this psychotherapist letterwhore person-thingy's supervisor letterwhore psychotherapist-boss-lady for an hour to get me my second letter. Thus ending the most painful part of my transition.
I really felt violated and exploited by this whole process of justifying myself in wanting a vagina. In my humble opinion it's my body and if i want an inny instead of an outy and there's a doctor who can do this than a liablility waver should be enough. I mean if you're stupid enough to pay someone to chop off your dick that's your problem and nobody should try to save you from yourself. As saving people from themselves is usually a good way of psychological raping them and robbing them of their free will. FUCK YOU standards of care! FUCK YOU!!
It took a good seven sessions of laser hair removal to get rid of most of my facial hair. I still have some light hairs on my jaw line, and some hair on my upper lip. I've also done some electrolisis on my face, and will have to continue that to get rid of all the light hairs on my jaw line.
I also had to have some electrolysis and laser hair removal done on my genitals before my operation. This is so that there's no hair on the inside of the vagina. Laser hair removal on your genitals isn't that bad. The electrolysis was a little painful, especially since the only session I had for that I didn't get the numbing cream on very thick. And of course they don't understand that after you warm an area you can do a lot more work there. So pretty much the lady would warm one area than move to another to give that one a break. I'm sure she's not used hardcore pain sluts...
Oh chop chop joy! on June 21st, 2005 i had my penis turned into a vagina in Trinidad, CO. It was a pretty interesting experience. I had to drink icky stuff the night before to clean out my pooper... And then they gave me an enema the morning of my operation.
The doctor came in and told me all about what she was going to do. For the most part, she mainly told me some new fangle techniques she was doing. She said she was going to add some sort of lining that would give me a more authentic vag. She was also doing something where she takes some strips from around the base of the penis head and make a clitoral hood.
The operation took about four hours and I awoke in my hospital room doped up on morphine. mmmm morphine. I'm not sure if it was the morphine or perhaps something else they'd used to sedate me, but I was really nauseated for the first few days after my operation. I really wasn't able to keep food down until I left.
I'm a pansexual, which means I'm attracted to people for who they are, and I don't really have pre-concieved notion about who I'll be attracted to. I'm also polyamorous. So this all means I have a number of undefinable relationships at generally the same time.
Before my sex change I was mostly interested in guys. I really wasn't comfortable being with a girl, though I had been with another trans-girl. That relationship was mostly just a fling though. In fact most of my pre-op relationships were really short-lived. One of my biggest turn-offs was someone wanting me to penetrate them with my penis. This didn't really come up as an issue until i started transition.
It was nice when i stopped having erections and wet dreams due to being on hormones. I was able to sort of have erections again after having been on hormones for over a year.
I don't think I ever really orgasmed from anal sex, and the orgasms i had from jerking off weren't really anything worthwhile. It just felt like i was peeing a slightly thicker fluid. And after I'd cum i wouldn't be horny anymore... And since I don't masturbate to climax anymore i don't have that off switch now.
After my sex change i was a lot more interested in girls. Or at least i was more comfortable being with girls. I've also noticed an increase in the length of my relationships. Now instead of one night stands, I tend to have friends with benifits. And I also have undefinable intimate relationships with mainly girls now that pretty much start and never really end. They're kinda like really close friendships but also include all sorts of emotional and/or physical intimacy as well. And there's usually some sorta of fetish stuff going on too.
The sensations of vaginal sex has been really nice. There are two main areas of vaginal stimulation. One is a muscle that's just inside the vagina. I have no idea what it's called. But it's the source for most of the pain during dilation. Though now that i'm used to having it stimulated it actually feels really good. The second area is the base of the vagina. Also a kind of painful but also really good feeling. All in all, sex in general feels better now than my pre-op orgasms ever did.
I've had a couple different kinds of orgasms. The first kind I experienced was pretty much just all the sensations i was experiencing during sex getting really intense and my hips spasming and stuff like that. I've experienced this from both oral sex and vaginal sex. The second kind I've experianced is more like ejaculation. it starts as a sensation like I really have to pee, followed by pretty much the same sensations as ejaculating with a penis. Only without a penis. So basically my clit spasms, and i think I expel some fluid. I've been close to this one during sex a couple times, but held it back 'cause i thought i was going to pee... And have since woken up to it a few times. Usually from dreams that had nothing to do with sex.
here i'll talk about all my different kinks.
I really like to be tied up. I prefer ropes to leather bounds. I really like the look and feel of Japanese bondage. I also find that when i'm tied up i'm better able to process pain and tend to be more relaxed and open.
I really enjoy the sensations of pain, and i get really high and euphoric almost imediatly after the inital sensation of pain. I've even orgasmed from being tortured. I also get a really nice emotional and spiritual release from a good beating, especially if it's intense enough to make me cry.
I tend to prefer thuddy pain over stingy pain. And I'm also into pinchy pain. Really... I just like it all... I just like some types of pain more than others.
Ever since i was a little kid I've been into watersports. Around the time i was in kindergarden I was fantasizing about shitting myself and wetting myself... And all sorts of sick things like that. Though I kind of forgot about it for awhile and it wasn't until I was almost in middle school that it came back.
From the time I was in the 5th grade 'till i started high school I was wetting the bed intentionally, and really getting off on it. I had a water bed so it wasn't a big deal, other than the soiled sheets... Eventually I started using a single blanket for it, and would only do it before making my bed after my regular sheets had been washed.
I only do watersports play in the shower, usually involving someone peeing on me.
I'm only four years old.... And stuff. Mostly I get into the regressive ageplay. I like to do little kid stuff, like watch kids shows, color, and play with my plushies. Prior to my sex change I was more into the sexual aspect of it. The whole being a kid and getting molested thing was a huge turn-on. I also wasn't anywhere near as regressed at that point as i am now.
Now when I'm regressed I'm either not aware of my sexuality as much, or it's generally more innocent. I kind of let go of the whole, "this is dirty and wrong" mentality about sexual things when i'm regressed. I'm also less focused on sexual things and tend to be more interested in just having fun and being silly.
I also like it when people talk down to me like i'm a little kid, and just in general treat me like a kid.
plushies and toys
here's where i talk about my toys, mostly plushies. I'll also be adding photos of each of them here so you can tell who they are when they appear in my camwhoring action!
besides plushies and some dolls i also like to draw and color with crayons. and stuff like that. i'm not huge on video games, but i have recently gotten into playing some game cube games. at the momment i'm playing the metroid games. i really want to get my hands on some of the cuter games though. i really like the zelda series and want to get zelda wind waker.
Also known as squishy butt. She's my gender queer baby bunny. I keep her in diapers and do naughty things to her. She was a gift from my big sister, and I've transplanted a heart into her (This was also a gift from my big sister).
She tells her aunty all about how i mistreat her and then i get in trouble. But it's okay, 'cause I still love her. Mostly she complains about how i never change her diaper.... But I say she can learn to like it... I'll make a pervert out of her whether she likes it or not.
I do think she likes it when we rub our naughty bits together. Which we don't get to do nearly enough. Mostly I just take her with me when i go places. And cuddle with her when I sleep. Well... When I'm not horribly neglecting her and leaving her alone someplace. i'm a bad mommy I am... -_-
A silly little monkey that sucks his thumb. I've put him in diapers too, though I don't think he needs them. I like to play with him in public and talk about how i'm playing with my monkey. I've had him since I was a little kid.
A white bunny I got for Easter when I was little. She appears in some of my plushie photos. though she's kind of a minor character.
Also known as pedobear... He's a white teddy bear with a purple dildo attached to him. He likes to molest mr bunny. He's a naughty naughty bear. He's also a furry and sometimes wears bunny ears. He's also tried to hang himself a couple of times... And stared in a death to furries video i did for a class project. He's kind of dating bunny.
A pink bunny given to me for easter by my Daddy. He's mr bunny's step dad.
A pink-haired doll in a cat-suit. Given to me by my mommie. I have some old photos of her I'll have to post at some point. She was with me during my sex change. During this time she met shark boy (another tranny getting her wee wee chopped gave him to me in Trinidad) and they dated for a little while. She ended up leaving him pretty quick, 'cause she wasn't really looking for a serious relationship.... And just used him for some not so hot sex. Had he been better in the sack she might have kept him around longer.
post any questions you want answered here. or to /post-op chan/